On behalf of the hopeless romantics out there, these can’t be the type of men Jill Scott used to sing about! TCF offered a group of women the opportunity to share their plus size dating horror stories with our audience. Let’s get into what these ladies had to say!
As faithful members of The Fat & Fine, the fellas are bound to flock. However, we’re (annoyingly) still in a time where many assume the higher the number on the scale, the lower the self-esteem and morale. Contrary to that foolish belief, though, the weight of our bodies is not an indicator of how much we’re willing to tolerate. Most would agree that this thought process—rooted in the superficial idea that larger sisters have no choice but to “take what they can get”—should’ve ended long ago.
Despite that falsified conclusion, the truth is that we’re allowed to crave a love that doesn’t feel pushed or performative. With the notion that certain individuals have theorized that big girls are on a hunt for whatever’s “available,” we must be (even more) mindful of the contenders we choose to give a shot. First dates can easily turn into final dates. Unfortunately, the voluptuous baddies we’ve talked to have had downright, not-so-nice experiences they didn’t deserve.
From Brokedown Billy on Bumble to Fetishizing Fred at Food Lion, some have too much audacity for our liking. Check out these plus size dating horror stories. Keep these in mind and be aware of in your own pursuit!
For privacy purposes, real names have been protected.
Plus Size Dating Horror Stories from Our Curvy Cuties
Catfishing Carla, 28
“Run from the men who’ve wanted you for a long time.” I should’ve listened to that quote, but I didn’t! Anyway, I was 21 and feeling myself. I’d always been on the full-figured side, but I was finally starting to appreciate my grown-woman(ness). I felt like that girl… x10! Nobody could tell me a thing. And when I say a thing, I mean, NATHANIEL!
I’d spent a good bit of my teenage years wishing I had smaller breasts, lighter skin, and straighter teeth. I hated how the cellulite on my thighs looked whenever I had to undress in front of a mirror, and my stomach? The stretch marks and the way my gut hung over my pants repulsed me even more. To me, I wasn’t the girl boys found attractive. It wasn’t until I reached 18 that I realized the beauty in my bigger physique. By the time this incident occurred, my emotional eating had gotten me to a size 26. I’d forever been tall, so my stallion era was in full effect.
21-year-old me felt validated by any ounce of male attention, so when my Facebook inbox started booming, I ate that sh*t up. Obsessed with the newfound admiration my plus size body received, I just knew Lorenzo, the love-bomber, was my knight in shining armor when (no matter how many unread messages or post likes I’d ignored) he persisted in trying to “holla” at me because he “loved him some BBWs” (I should’ve known when he said that it wasn’t going to work out). After the umpteenth attempt, I gave in. We conversed online for a day or two and then exchanged numbers. The conversation was immaculate, and we talked on the phone every day. The fact that he was older, 26, to be exact, with muscles impressed me. He was a gym rat, the kind you see in those sports commercials.
After a week and a half, he asked if he could take me on a date. Lorenzo lived 40 minutes away from me in a nearby town and assured me that he didn’t mind making the drive. So, he did. I remember pacing back and forth, awaiting his arrival. Believe it or not, that was the first date I’d ever gone on. I’d decided on a red-and-blue floral print dress and white flats. I felt the outfit complemented my long box braids well. I was sure that my light-blue eyeshadow and bold red lipstick were the icing on the delicious snack cake I looked like!
But I was wrong. Lorenzo pulled up and called me, alerting me that he was outside. I walked out of the front door and to his car. No sooner than I made it to the vehicle and he rolled his window down, I could see the smile he’d worn just seconds before I’d gotten closer to him began to fade. He sized me up and blurted, “You look different in your pictures.” Appalled, all I could reply was, “Huh?” He’d seen me on video chat, and I’d uploaded my fair share of mirror angles. To my knowledge, he knew what he was in for.
Lorenzo replied something along the lines of, “Nothing. I hope you can fit in here.” He had a 2011 Camaro. I struggled to get inside, and not once did he offer to help. That was only the beginning of what was to come. He took me to a Mexican restaurant and gave me unwarranted “weight loss” advice the entire meal. I complimented his khaki outfit and how neatly placed his jet-black dreads were. He didn’t reciprocate the public adoration at all. Despite my trying to change the subject, he kept subtly telling me about all of the methods he took to lose over 80 pounds. Eventually, the check came, and you wouldn’t guess what he did! Lorenzo put enough cash to pay for his meal inside the receipt holder and handed it to me to do the same for my own. My mouth dropped.
It’s safe to say, that was the last time we both heard from each other. It’s clear to me now that he wasn’t attracted to me, and after that stunt he pulled, I wasn’t attracted to him either. Bums will be bums.
Instant Step Mom, 30
The year was 2012 or 2013. I was 18 or 19. There was a man I met on the chat line. We’ll call him Dee. He was in his mid-30s. For a living, Dee drove log trucks. He was the father of three boys. One was a teenager (I think he was 14 or 15) and the other two were younger. I don’t remember everything because it’s been years. He lived an hour away in a town that I call the “country.” Weeks passed, and by this time, we’d spoken very frequently via call/text. We never ran out of things to converse about.
I’d say a few months later, Dee finally decided to come and take me on a date. He blew the horn and texted me that he was outside. Strike one. He showed up with his teenage son (we’ll call him Trent) in the front seat, whom I hadn’t met. The man didn’t get out of the car to open the door for me or anything. Strike two. I should have walked my a** right back in the house, but like the naive, young lady I was, I still wanted to try. So, I rolled with it. We pulled up to a Chinese buffet. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Chinese food, but I just thought we would go somewhere more… date-worthy, perhaps?!
We went into the restaurant and grabbed a seat. Suddenly, he got a phone call from his Bluetooth. At this point, he was speaking extremely loud, and everyone began to stare at us. I was SO embarrassed and afraid that they’d put us out for “disturbing the peace.” As time progressed, the silence between his son and me was thick, even though I’d persisted in trying to strike up something we could both relate to. But he didn’t know me, so I didn’t expect him to say much of anything. During the whole meal, his father was too busy talking to someone on the phone to even have the least bit of conversation with me, so things grew more awkward by the second.
Dee’s “urgent” phone call soon ended, and he noticed I had picked over my food. I felt disrespected and disregarded on the highest level, but I tried to maintain my cool. Without asking why my mood had changed, instead, Dee said, “You and Trent better eat all your food so I can get my money’s worth. This place is pricey.” It was almost as if I was the d*mn daughter!
Biting my tongue, I let that slide. After we ate, he wanted to go to a nearby lake I had been telling him about. Again, I should have just asked to be taken home, but I agreed to tag along. I walked to the pavilion that sat on the lake. Perfect time to finally talk, right? Wrong! Dee and Trent left me at the pavilion and took off walking themselves. I had never felt so much like a third wheel in my life. This was a father-son moment, not a date. Once they were done having a grand time together, they were ready to go. I was irritated and 100000% sure he would never see me again.
Moral of the story, I hope the next woman he took out wasn’t made to feel like a babysitter.
Dateless Dia, 25
I had to be like 19/20 at the time. Don’t judge me, but I’d been talking to this guy through Twitter (now X) for a while, and we ended up texting. We were in the same area. He’d already graduated [college] so he’d returned to where he was from. However, he kept telling me how he wanted to come back and take me on a date, grab drinks, etc. I was feeling him, so I was like, “Okaaayyyy! This sounds like a cute little idea.”
So, as it’s getting closer to the time we’re supposed to go out, I’m asking questions. I need to know where we’re going, how I should dress–all the fun ins and outs of linking up with someone for the first time. The vibe seemed to be going well, so I’m excited. Do you know this man said, “Yeah, I was just gon’ push up on you with a bottle…” A BOTTLE? I’m thinking in my head like, “You said we were going OUT to get drinks!”
Mind you, we’d never officially met in person. I explained to him how he had me “messed up” and that there was a big difference between going to get drinks and him coming to my house to drink. I stopped speaking to him after that, but GOD! I realized I had dodged a MAJOR bullet because, like a year later, he was posted on an exposing page. [Trigger Warning] They aired him out for (allegedly) [sexually assaulting] someone.
Nobody’s Side Chick, 33
I’m going to keep this short and simple because this still pisses me off to this very day. [laughs]
I honestly don’t even remember much about this guy, BUT I remember what transpired. I was 20 years old back then, and we met on this site called Tagged. The conversation seemed cool via text and phone, and about a week later, he asked me to go out with him. I was such a risk taker in my 20s, so I did. He picked me up, and we decided on a local pool hall since it was a hot hangout spot in my area.
We were both attracted to one another and things flowed smoothly. If my memory serves me correctly, we may have gone for a bite to eat as well. We hit it off perfectly. It was as if we’d known each other for a lifetime.
On the way home, he stopped by a convenience store, leaving me in the car alone. Well, I’ve always been a curious person, so the hanging badge on the mirror piqued my interest. Before we went out, he admitted he didn’t have a car but his sister was fine with him using hers for a little while. Anyway, I eyed the name tag and memorized the name in my head.
Once I was home, I put on my “Miss Investigator” hat and looked up the woman’s name on Facebook. Her page wasn’t easy to find, so it took some time. But when I did find it, I saw that she was not his sister at all. In fact, it was his GIRLFRIEND! That kneegrow was instantly blocked, and I hadn’t talked to, seen, or heard from him since. That was 10 years ago!
I may have been young, eager to feel liked and loved, and guys probably felt like it was easy to bare-minimum me at that time, but one thing I’ve never been, is dumb.
Sugar Baby, 29
Ever since I could remember, I liked older men. But I’d always kept the age gap at a limit. Well, at 27, I decided to date a 55-year-old man. In the times of “bagging a Sugar Daddy,” I thought I’d struck gold. The man was chocolate, bald-headed, handsome, fit, ex-military, had a nice house with a pool, and just seemed to be distinguished and different.
Looking back, I knew better, especially since we’d met under odd circumstances. Years prior, this man had added me on social media and found his way into my inbox. I should’ve pumped the [brakes] when he started venting about his then-girlfriend, who I eventually found out was a distant cousin of mine. But I was just a listening ear… it was all online and at that time, we didn’t even exchange numbers. He soon disappeared for years. Out of sight, out of mind.
To be truthful, that still didn’t change the fact that I always thought he was handsome. So when he re-added me years later and reached out, I said, “Why not?” Gone was the depressed man, he was shooting his shot. Fast forward to the present, he asked me to come over so that he could cook for me. I was apprehensive at first because that was risky, but being the adventurous person I am, I went. Enthralled, I was turned on watching his old self cook for me, and it was a plus that the food was good.
We hung out and talked for a while, and since you only have one life to live and I had been celibate for five years, I wanted some peen! The mood was right, but when we got to that bedroom, his “soldier” refused to stand at attention. Trying my best to comfort him with a fake-a** “It’s okay,” we ended before we began. So, we got up and went back to the living room. He admitted to being on a lot of meds due to PTSD from the military. I felt bad for him and just tried telling him I understood. After that day, we continued seeing each other, but the red flags started waving all over the place. He actually had mental issues, which is why he went ghost for years.
Turns out, he had been admitted to the psych ward at the VA hospital. He received a military pension but was knee-deep in debt. My cousin had a restraining order against him. He was a “part-time dealer.” And he just wanted a quick “wam-bam-thank-you-ma’am.” The lesson learned was everyone isn’t who they seem to be, and age doesn’t define maturity!
Never again.
Although these ladies have some terrible plus size dating horror stories and haven’t had the best picks on their roster, this doesn’t mean there aren’t men out there who will (actually) pursue you the right way. Just keep your eye open… at all times! And if something feels off, it’s off. Trust your instinct!
Do you have some plus size dating horror stories? Drop them below!
This article, Chubby Confidential: 5 Plus Size Dating Horror Stories Women Shared with Us first appeared on The Curvy Fashionista and is written by Ashley Blackwell.
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